What Are Friends For Me

when can you trust a person,
when can you call them friends,
when can you trust them.
Who will follow until your life ends?

I trusted you, with my life,
was about to put it in your hands,
at your mercy, at your will.
now I can see how far my trust bends.

I don't care about safety,
don't care about love or me.
I don't care if youre a good person,
or a evil devil wannabe.

I'll throw myself at you,
for the smallest shard of attention,
to fill the void inside of me,
but your love was a beautiful deception.

I cut myself open on it,
tearing through my heart and soul.
Bleeding and crying,
but not letting go.

Because I would rather die clinging to another person who is hurting me,
than to live with myself again.
Because I would rather let someone who I love destroy me,
than to face my own demons again.
Because I would rather get abused helping someone else,
than to help myself.
Because I would rather swallow my tears to hold you and tell you
"it's going to be okay",
than to face the fact that I am insane.

The Way I think Of me

A monster, a thief,
a terrible creature.
That isnt human,
luckily my kind is rare.

I hate myself, I really do,
have done that for a while.
I have tried running,
but only went one mile.

Before I dropped back to the floor,
my demons kicking, hitting me,
so I can't stand up once again,
there is no hope that I can see.

Just left to die,
in eternal pain,
barely breathing,
barely keeping sane.

But I am kept alive,
to punish me for my mistakes.
For how many eternities
will I be burning at the stakes?

Am I damned forever?
Or will mercy release my soul.
So that I can finally,
leave this world that is so cold.