Arrogance with a touch of sadness,
a big idiot with a bigger heart.
A little touch of excitement and
now I am back to the start.
A big mysterium, an untold story,
the greatest secret of them all.
I am not able to write poetry. I tried, looking at the screen but my mind cannot put together the words needed to express what I feel. Maybe its the lack of practice. Maybe its my meds. Maybe its that I dont know how I feel. Again.
Whenever I meet new people I try to be weary. Past experience have really shown me that I need to be really careful about who I let into my life and to what extend. That I need to put up boundaries so that I stay safe and especially dont harm anyone else in my life.
It's been a year since I've done something really stupid. Eventless year, full of repeating the same stuff over and over again and not a lot of excitement.
Sometimes I meet new people online and they seem okay, but upon further inspection their intentions are wrong, their interests are wrong, and they do not care about me, just about spending some time with some background noise. Talk a bit, but never look back.
And I can understand that. Its the new age, that is just how things are handled nowadays. And I cant really expect that from people, since I myself dont try to start friendships online.
But it hurts just a bit when again those people who you thought enjoyed your company go somewhere else for the day.
Complaining doesnt help here. Nothing really does.
Its the internet.
But the issue still arises. I want excitement.
And when I meet new people, that is exciting. What will they do, what will they say.
Sometimes I become intrigued with someone. The person ist quite interesting, has a mysterious aura or isnt as readable, which makes it more interesting to conquer.
Most times those are just signs to stop though. Cause as much as I want this person to be friends with, I dont think anything good will come out of it.
This person is everything I shouldnt do, every mistake I ever made combinded.
Someone who lives independently, far away, likes me, dominates me but encourages me. Likes to tease me but also compliments me. Tries to spend time with me, or atleast it seems like it.
But it looks like a trap. Like a sweet dripping honeytrap ready to just catch me and its a struggle everyday to stay away from the temptation.
I sound disgusting. Maybe I am.
I like the pain. I like the struggle. Life seems so boring and bland without it.
Dont bite into it, I tell myself while checking if the person is online again, trying to find an excuse to spend time. I just wanna find out who they are, but thats not it is it? I dont Know.
Again im at a crossroads. Follow the temptation or stay in my low path. In the normal path, the simple path, the one that is safe, yet not so rewardable.
Maybe Im just bored. Thats what I always think when I come upon crossroads like these. Im just bored, looking for something new. Im not interested, just want a quick taste, and then back to the safe life btu that isnt how life works, is it? Life is harsh and linear. Maybe Im just bored.
But the honeytrap is tempting.
a big idiot with a bigger heart.
A little touch of excitement and
now I am back to the start.
A big mysterium, an untold story,
the greatest secret of them all.
I am not able to write poetry. I tried, looking at the screen but my mind cannot put together the words needed to express what I feel. Maybe its the lack of practice. Maybe its my meds. Maybe its that I dont know how I feel. Again.
Whenever I meet new people I try to be weary. Past experience have really shown me that I need to be really careful about who I let into my life and to what extend. That I need to put up boundaries so that I stay safe and especially dont harm anyone else in my life.
It's been a year since I've done something really stupid. Eventless year, full of repeating the same stuff over and over again and not a lot of excitement.
Sometimes I meet new people online and they seem okay, but upon further inspection their intentions are wrong, their interests are wrong, and they do not care about me, just about spending some time with some background noise. Talk a bit, but never look back.
And I can understand that. Its the new age, that is just how things are handled nowadays. And I cant really expect that from people, since I myself dont try to start friendships online.
But it hurts just a bit when again those people who you thought enjoyed your company go somewhere else for the day.
Complaining doesnt help here. Nothing really does.
Its the internet.
But the issue still arises. I want excitement.
And when I meet new people, that is exciting. What will they do, what will they say.
Sometimes I become intrigued with someone. The person ist quite interesting, has a mysterious aura or isnt as readable, which makes it more interesting to conquer.
Most times those are just signs to stop though. Cause as much as I want this person to be friends with, I dont think anything good will come out of it.
This person is everything I shouldnt do, every mistake I ever made combinded.
Someone who lives independently, far away, likes me, dominates me but encourages me. Likes to tease me but also compliments me. Tries to spend time with me, or atleast it seems like it.
But it looks like a trap. Like a sweet dripping honeytrap ready to just catch me and its a struggle everyday to stay away from the temptation.
I sound disgusting. Maybe I am.
I like the pain. I like the struggle. Life seems so boring and bland without it.
Dont bite into it, I tell myself while checking if the person is online again, trying to find an excuse to spend time. I just wanna find out who they are, but thats not it is it? I dont Know.
Again im at a crossroads. Follow the temptation or stay in my low path. In the normal path, the simple path, the one that is safe, yet not so rewardable.
Maybe Im just bored. Thats what I always think when I come upon crossroads like these. Im just bored, looking for something new. Im not interested, just want a quick taste, and then back to the safe life btu that isnt how life works, is it? Life is harsh and linear. Maybe Im just bored.
But the honeytrap is tempting.
