Enjoy the pain until I can die

"It's better for you",
I say before I close the path.
Tears glistering in my eyes,
my depression having its last laugh.

Completely alone,
"friends" who left me again,
cause i was too different,
for them too insane.

I mean, I deserve it,
in the end its my fault.
Now its time to enjoy this,
to pour salt in my wounds.

Here is what you get,
enjoy this sweet pain.
While I gather the strength,
to kill hope with rain.

Soon it will be over,
you can finally sleep.
That sleep that is final,
a thousand miles deep.

Just wait few more days,
few more weeks, just a bit.
Enjoy the pain a bit more,
until I finally call it quit.

My personality is asshole (cleansing this world)

Hiding behind harsh words,
I cover my heart to prevent upset.
Trying to survive the imminent threat,
not realizing my heart is dead.

A terrible little person,
a terrible big failure.
whose presence, talk,
or even hug, no one can endure.

Telling everyone that its just my brain,
that I am just that tiny bit insane.
But inside I know too good,
that I am the one to blame.

Hiding behind an excuse,
to be a terrible person consequentless.
Insulting people, masking it as jokes,
leaving my heart senseless.

Not human anymore, just a shell,
that only harms the ones it meets. 
I should shut up, but I keep going,
destroying every heart that beats.

I will stop, will make this monster shut up,
punish it for what it did,
make it relive all the pain it caused,
make it whine like a little kid.

Make it scream in agony,
make it bleed for all the pain.
Make it feel where it was empty,
make it human again.

Then I will release it,
to the final escape of death.
Regretting what it has done,
with its every final breath.

For that I deserve this agony,
for that I deserve this pain.
For I only did bad,
without me this world will be sane.