The desire to be loved

Why do I have this strong desire,
to want people to love me?
Why do I need their attention,
why do I need this codependency?

I need the friendship, I need the care,
I need people around me everywhere.
But not too many, or too often,
cause then my mental walls would soften.

When I get friends, I start to break,
its just gets to much for me to take.
My demons start to scream much more,
destroying my happiness to the core.

I fall back into my own old hell,
the one im used to, that I know so well.
And then again, life is filled with pain,
driving me back to being insane.

But what was it that started this,
what did i oversee, what did i miss?
Because I was happy, wasnt i?
saying it made me sad would be a lie.

I wanted love, which they gave me,
yet there is not hope for me to see.
So what happened between give and receive?
What happened to make my happiness leave?

It was my demons, am I right?
they made me ask for help to find the light,
but also made this friendship a knife,
so that I would never be painlessly happy in my life.

What I desire the most,
hurts the most.
Ironic, isnt it?