Destroyed emotion

I have become a monster,
when I chose to numb my pain,
by destroying my heart.
Because I couldnt stay sane.

Being human destroyed me,
so I destroyed what was human.
But now having emotions, love,
is nothing that I can. 

Small heart,
shivering in my chest,
surrounded by a cold deep darkness,
torturing it without rest.

It has been a slow process,
the darkness crawled from its little spot,
through my veines everywhere,
making my emotions rot.

Overtaking everything,
that was human about me,
leaving a broken dark machine,
that is what I have become to be.

It is screaming so loudly,
sometimes I can even hear it,
screaming and crying out of pain,
but I dont care the tiniest bit.

I walk around,
surrounded by a cloud of night,
the madness coming from no control,
lights up my eyes so bright.

No one walks close by anymore,
people have left me for good,
my hearts screams even louder,
but it cant destroy my mood.

It draws red lines on my skin,
but they just add to my dark look, I smile.
Now everyone will think I am mad,
that i am disgusting and vile.

I think I might even be happy,
if I only could feel.