What do I feel

Five am, laying awake,
my last message was, 
"if something happens, 
remember, that I love you"

Is it love that I feel,
is it regret that I destroyed,
the last person that I "loved",
I'm confused, broken and annoyed.

I can't figure out what is happening to me,
as tears roll down my eyes,
is it love that I feel,
or just the loneliness inside?

Haven't had a hug in weeks,
craved one for months on end.
I left home and all me friends,
now all their love is sent.

Another tear rolles down my cheek,
I feel the coldness grabbing me,
help, help, my mind shouts,
as my happiness deceases to be.

I feel alone, I am alone,
I need some love so desperatly,
but too afraid to ask for some,
I die slowly in my room locked by a key.

My minds a mess, I grab the knife,
I try to cut through this dark mean mind,
fulfilling its deepest desire,
until it finally becomes so kind.

To give me just that bit of peace,
that bit of quietness,
that bit of sweet sweet sleep.
Until the next day.