Asexual

As our lips touch,
forgotten thought,
emerges from my brain,
as if im getting caught.

I know what it is,
that I tried so hard to forget.
That I cried so often about,
that filled me with black regret.

That little huge thing,
that makes me so weird.
That huge little thing,
Like a girl with a beard.

I feel his heart beating,
his hands are shaking,
as they find their way on my back,
his emotions raging.

But my heart is cold,
I feel the warmth, yes,
the physical reaction,
human reaction, happening controllless.

But I don't feel the love,
I dont love him anymore.
Never had, never will.
Its more like im bored.

I know its a mistake,
but im just trying to be nice,
although I already know,
this mistake comes with a price.

Ill rip apart his heart again,
but Im to weak to forsaken him this,
he's my only friend here,
so I gave him this kiss.

Feeling nothing but regret,
and fear of what is to come.
Because I dont love him.
And I never will.
Because I cant.